I first discovered the lesser known meaning of the word sublime when I was studying poetry in college. It means: to transform from solid to vapor.
The solids that sublimate do so because they have such high levels of vapor pressure that they skip the melting process. It is the existence of pressure that allows this direct and dramatic release.
As womxn in this world, it’s not unusual that we find ourselves pressured to the edge of implosion. This pressure, however uncomfortable, is what readies us for the sublime. I call this pressurized state the brink.
When I hit the brink there was no mistaking it…
I often tell my clients that if we use a shovel to dig our way into a hole, and then we want to get out of that hole, the shovel is likely not the best tool. What I have seen in years of providing therapy, is that we dig ourselves deeper into holes of depression, anxiety, and stress with our conscious minds, our thoughts. Then we want to “figure” our way out with the same tool. You can probably use a shovel in a slightly different way to help you climb out, but a ladder is way more effective.
We always have access to two of the most effective tools for healing: our bodies and our subconscious minds. Unfortunately, and especially for womxn, these parts often get neglected. When we deny our bodies, and our true knowing, they will eventually make themselves known. They will rise up and demand healing.
Our job is to listen.
I ignored the messages for a long time. I was 2 babies, a struggling marriage, a full-time-plus job and a mortgage into this life, and I was nowhere to be found. I was caring for everyone but myself, feeling like I was half-assing it all, and my whole being was wilting.
I’m sure there were subtle signs for years that I chose to ignore: that sense that I was trying to wear someone else’s clothes, the fitful stress sleep, the fact that I took no time to care for my body, the utter exhaustion. Not to mention all the times I ignored my intuition and did the “acceptable” thing instead.
I felt like I was tethered to someone else’s life, and parts of me were dying. Although I was incessantly giving, and in ways that were meaningful, I wasn’t giving in a way that was true to me. Not living my truth eventually had some big consequences.
My body gave out. I had to have emergency back surgery. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. My spirit was screaming at me: “Something (lots of somethings, really) has got to give!!”
Don’t get me wrong, I had been planting seeds of possibility all along. I was doing spiritual work. I had healed long standing patterns of depressive thinking. I had been in therapy, as all good therapists should. I’d been learning everything I could about thought management, and play, mindfulness, and compassion. I understood that there could be another way, a way that fed my soul. I understood that I create my reality. But it wasn’t in my body yet. There wasn’t room.
So, crisis swept in and cleared the space for possibility.
I took all of the learning and knowing that was in my head, and I put it into my cells, my bones, my energetic body.
I put down the shovel, and started to build a ladder. Rung by rung.
Yoga. Meditation. Living foods. Self-compassion. Play. Transpersonal hypnotherapy. And rest. Did I mention rest?
Embodying these principals, quite literally, changed everything.
I could have filled it back in with doing. I could have clawed my way back from the edge and fought to keep my old life—I was, after all, socialized to believe my worth comes from martyrdom. But I chose to listen instead.
I moved to a little cabin by the ocean with my boys. It was magic. Not because I changed my circumstances, but because despite the hardships of divorce and the inconsistent income of a new private practice I was super intentional about my experience. (And because the ocean, of course, is magic.)
I leaned into the power of choice.
I chose to see magic in every moment.
I chose to not have this change be tragic, for me or my children (even though when the world hears the word divorce they meet you with this bizarre combination of pity and blame and terror).
I chose possibility. Not just with my thoughts, but with my body. Incorporating movement patterns that empower, connect, and heal.
I got crystal clear on my vision. A vision of being. A vision of feeling.
I cared deeply for my body. Beginning with rest. And love. I ate to nourish. I reconnected with the rhythms of nature. I slowed down. And I cultivated a very kind, curious voice with which to speak to myself. And I let myself feel. it. all.
I entirely cured my autoimmune disease—I didn’t just learn to manage it: it’s gone.
I went from constant moderate back pain to ZERO.
I met my dream partner. We have built an imperfectly perfect life together. We are honest, we belly laugh, and adore each other; and we dig deep to do the work required to stay true to ourselves while being true to our commitment to our partnership and family. And my kids now have 3 parents who treasure them.
It’s one thing to believe you are living your version of sublime, another to have it clearly reflected back to you.
Recently, a close friend texted and said she was reading the wonderful new book Untamed by Glennon Doyle. She sent me a picture of an excerpt from the book that read: “It is a blessing to know a free woman. Sometimes she will stop by and hold up a mirror for you. She will help you remember who you are.” Underneath my friend wrote, “read this and immediately thought of you…” It made me cry. And it strengthened my conviction to journey beside womxn who seek to be free.
May I be a mirror for your sublimation, your possibility, and your truest Self.
Having spent 17 years as a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and somatic hypnotherapy, I hold a unique space for stepping into the experience of possibility.
I hold a Master’s Degree in Social Work, and a BFA in Creative Writing.
I am a certified Yoga, Meditation and Ayurvedic Yoga teacher. I trained with Mindful Schools, and have taught Mindfulness to students k-5.
I am a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, a Reiki level II Practitioner, and a Transformational Coach.
I started my social work career providing community outreach and education for the local sexual assault support center, and went on to direct a community-based program providing clinical services for high risk children and families.
I have consulted for addiction treatment centers, adult case-management programs, and psychotherapists who are becoming authors.
I was called to transformational coaching because it is expansive–it is not a coaching model that focuses on checking off boxes, but rather on discovering an authentic way of BEing. Not only does it align with my studies in contemplative therapies, it allows me to incorporate my own deep knowing in a more authentic way and to work with womxn from all over the world!!
Most importantly, I am committed to always being a student, and to my own growth. I hope that my learning and sharing will save you some time, foster a deeper connection among us, and support a transformation for you that is well beyond my own reach.